9.03.2009

real, honest, vows

I was thinking today that it would be really special if Audrey and I wrote our own vows for our wedding ceremony. This way we could say what we really mean by "For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health..." We could still run through the traditional vows, but we could also speak from the heart. We could be honest. I think people would appreciate a little bit of the hard truth right from the beginning. Something kind of like this:

[My vows]: Audrey, I stand here today not just to say that I love you now and that I have loved you for a long time, but to say that I will love you forever. Forever may seem like a scary-long time, but if I couldn't promise that, then I wouldn't be here today. It has been easy to love you with your cool, artistic personality and young college-age good looks, but I vow to love you forever. I vow to love you tomorrow when I roll over and smell your morning breath behind your retainer. I vow to love you when you when you are middle-aged, you have cankles and a mustache, and you spend all of your time collecting coupons so that you can shop for scrap-booking supplies at Big Lots. I vow to love you when you drive a mini-van and wear capri-jeans with an elastic waist while you drive Benjamin Jr. to the ballet lessons that you signed him up for behind my back. I vow to love you when your favorite show is still The Office season 3. I vow to love you when we are both old and senile, and you drive your Hover Round like you're competing in a demolition derby. I vow to love you when your dentures create an obstacle course for a French kiss. I vow to love you forever.

[Audrey's vows]: Ben, I stand here today because you swept me off my feet. When you walked into my life with your chiseled abs and your gazelle-like physical grace, I knew I was in for a treat, but I could never could have guessed how satisfying it would be. But my love for you goes beyond your beautiful brown eyes and your thick, gorgeous hair, because I know that those things will not last. I vow to love you forever. I vow to love you tomorrow when I wake up next to your sweaty, smelly body. I vow to love you when you are middle-aged and bald with a hairy back and a unibrow, and you spend all of your time watching Fox News on full volume. I vow to love you when you ask every one of our house-guests if they are a Wilco fan, and when they say that they've never heard them, you kick them out while screaming, "Terrible musical taste isn't allowed in my house!" I vow to love you when you ruin every one of your button-up cardigan sweaters because you leave unwrapped butterscotch hard candies in the front pocket to melt in the sunlight pouring through the living room window. I vow to love you when you use your cane to make obscene gestures about the size of your "package" in public. I vow to love you forever.


These are just rough drafts, mind you. They're works in progress.

8 comments:

Ethan said...

haaaaahahaha

stan said...

don't change a thing.

Audrey said...

perfect....how did you know exactly what i would have written?! I guess that's how well we know each other.

lizkirk said...

ohhhhhh my gosh i just cried.

wow, thanks for that.

Will Rucker said...

Oh man. I almost choked on the Coca Cola I'm drinking.

max. said...

perfect.

jamesthesealion said...

ben you totally had me fooled. I definitely thought that audrey had written that.
awesome.

B said...

ridic.