the problem with me

i think i've figured out my "problem". and no, i did not just realize this all on my own. a book pointed it out, but thats ok because any inspiration i get usually comes from someone i have never met.

my "problem" is that i am never satisfied. and i do not mean that i am never satisfied with what i have. i mean i am never satisfied with the answers this world ignorantly gives to my questions. questions like, "why is money important?" or "why is golf fun?" or "why are some girls 'pretty' and some girls are 'not pretty'?" or "why do i need to pick a major?".

society quickly answers these questions for me. almost as if they were waiting for me to ask them so they could indulge me with some bullshit wisdom about "success" and "beauty". they tell me that i pick a career path based on what i love and what i am good at (too bad those are two more of my questions). what do i love? and what am i good at?... they also tell me that this will get me a job that I will love where i can make lots of money to support my beautiful wife in our nice home. this will give me a happy and comfortable life. apparently.

now, like an idiot i question all this. its my problem, remember? i first question whether or not this is all true. whether or not money/a good career/safety will give me happiness. and then i wonder if i even want comfort. or nice. dont get me wrong, i love a good pair of socks, or a clean crisp 20, but i have found that i sleep better in the back of my car in the middle of a floridan adventure than i do in my comfortable, boring, knoxville bed. (ok, that may be a lie, but at least its a more inspired and confident sleep).

sometimes all this lack of REAL answers makes me mad. and sometimes it makes me feel sad and lonely. right now, im not mad. i understand that the world is stupid and i dont hold that against them (hrmmph). and im not necessarily sad or lonely either - i have been that way enough the past two months already. right now, im just a guy who wants someone to give him the kind of answers that he wants. hopefully true ones. ones like, "money really doesnt matter" or "golf isnt fun at all" or "every girl is pretty because they were made in the image of perfect beauty" or "you dont need to pick a major because college may not be the route you are supposed to take in life". you know, real good answers like that.

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