eating the earth is easy: Favorite Albums of 2017

50. Bedouine

Bedouine

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49. Twain
Rare Feeling

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48. Waxahatchee

Out in the Storm

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47. Alvvays

Antisocialites

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46. Destroyer
Ken

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45. Joey Bada$$
ALL-AMERIKKKAN BADA$$

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44. Beach Fossils

Somersault

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43. Elder

Reflections of a Floating World

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42. David Bazan

Care

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41. Anna of the North
Lovers

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40. Eluvium

Shuffle Drones

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39. EX EYE
EX EYE

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38. The Courtneys
The Courtneys II

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37. Algiers
The Underside of Power

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36. Oddisee

The Iceberg

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35. Nubya Garcia

Nubya's 5ive

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34. Leif Vollebekk
Twin Solitude

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33. Tyler Childers
Purgatory

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32. Bibio

Phantom Brickworks

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31. Rapsody
Laila's Wisdom

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30. Alfa Mist
Antiphon

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29. Slowdive

Slowdive

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28. Julien Baker
Turn Out the Lights

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27. Ryan Adams
Prisoner

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26. Your Old Droog
PACKS

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25. Big Thief
Capacity

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24. Ill Considered

Ill Considered

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23. Bing & Ruth

No Home of the Mind

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22. Ariel Pink
Dedicated to Bobby Jameson

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21. milo
who told you to think??!!?!?!?!

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20. Broken Social Scene
Hug of Thunder

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19. Kendrick Lamar
DAMN.

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18. Colin Stetson
All This I Do For Glory

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17. Jay Som

Everybody Works

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16. Colter Wall
Colter Wall

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15. Richard Dawson
Peasant

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14. Phoebe Bridgers
Stranger in the Alps

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13. LCD Soundsystem
american dream

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12. Alex Cameron
Forced Witness

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11. Mac DeMarco

This Old Dog

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10. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard
Polygondwanaland

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9. Jaimie Branch
Fly or Die

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8. Sam Amidon

The Following Mountain

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7. Kelly Lee Owens
Kelly Lee Owens

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6. SZA
Ctrl

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5. The War on Drugs
A Deeper Understanding

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4. Loyle Carner

Yesterday's Gone

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3. Fleet Foxes
Crack-Up

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2. Somi
Petit Afrique

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1. Mount Eerie

A Crow Looked At Me

This feels an odd choice for #1. Really, I wish this record didn't exist at all.

Phil Elverum has been making gorgeous, interesting music for over 20 years that I've had the pleasure to enjoy. But his newest batch of songs comes after the slow death of his beloved wife, Geneviève (she was a wonderful artist in her own right), who had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2015, shortly after giving birth to their only child.

After listening to this album a few times back in the spring, I shelved it for a long time. I only revisited it this week as I was putting together this list. More than any other record I've ever heard, it really made me reevaluate the nature of reviewing music, and art in general. It especially made me question the act of making this very list. How do you consume something like this? It seems unmerciful and callous. It feels wrong. It is not entertainment. It is not for me, the fan. No scrutiny or judgement can be leveled. No praise can either.

But what really is different about this piece of art than any other? Aren't they all tangible creations borne out of experience? Experiences that I do my best to relate to, but never fully can, really. I can't know what anyone is going through completely. So why do I ever rate albums like this? Why do I make a list to end out the year? It is really incredibly dumb.

As for the album itself, it is 40 minutes of pure unadulterated devastation. There is only the piercing sadness of grief in the beginning stages. The slow, heavy, sinking realization that death is real and permanent. It's not fair, and life is too arbitrary and random to ground your anger and sadness anywhere. So instead you're left stranded, numb, and catatonic; crying on the side of logging roads in northwest Washington and leaving your doors and windows open, hoping against all logic and reason that someone you loved might come back.

It feels almost voyeuristic to "enjoy" it. The music was written and recorded so close to the moment of trauma, that much of the experience of listening to it feels like a punch straight to the gut. But that is exactly why I found it to be so damn powerful and incredible. Phil admits on the first song that death is not for singing about or making into art. And it does feel strange to call this "art." Whatever it is, though, is brutal. It is a rejection of death and a complete surrender to it all at once. It impacted me more than any other music I heard this year.