haikus

audrey and i spent part of our evening writing haikus. we would give each other a "topic" and spend the next couple of minutes composing a haiku. here were the results:

ice

slippery water 

blue time freezer moves slowly 

glacial paced glaciers 

homosexuality

i plug in the light 

no electricity flows 

love despite the shame 

les mis

one life turned around 

does the same to all others 

a ripple effect 

all is lost, all found 

you forgot the candlesticks 

silver salvation 

dogs

scruffy ball of joy 

you bring more to the table 

than most humans do 

unopened flower

wake up little one 

your time, it has almost come 

reveal your beauty 

a lightbulb that just came on

edison forgot 

to tell us about the hum 

fresh new current's spark 

garbage floating in the river

i don't belong here 

used useless good-for-nothing 

yet have many friends 

st. croix

unturned dirt grows hard 

chickens look for worms within 

finally! tilled earth! 

waterfall

roaring, splatter, mist 

steading dropping, constant reach 

powerfully graceful

real, honest, vows

I was thinking today that it would be really special if Audrey and I wrote our own vows for our wedding ceremony. This way we could say what we really mean by "For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health..." We could still run through the traditional vows, but we could also speak from the heart. We could be honest. I think people would appreciate a little bit of the hard truth right from the beginning. Something kind of like this:

[My vows]: Audrey, I stand here today not just to say that I love you now and that I have loved you for a long time, but to say that I will love you forever. Forever may seem like a scary-long time, but if I couldn't promise that, then I wouldn't be here today. It has been easy to love you with your cool, artistic personality and young college-age good looks, but I vow to love you forever. I vow to love you tomorrow when I roll over and smell your morning breath behind your retainer. I vow to love you when you when you are middle-aged, you have cankles and a mustache, and you spend all of your time collecting coupons so that you can shop for scrap-booking supplies at Big Lots. I vow to love you when you drive a mini-van and wear capri-jeans with an elastic waist while you drive Benjamin Jr. to the ballet lessons that you signed him up for behind my back. I vow to love you when your favorite show is still The Office season 3. I vow to love you when we are both old and senile, and you drive your Hover Round like you're competing in a demolition derby. I vow to love you when your dentures create an obstacle course for a French kiss. I vow to love you forever.

[Audrey's vows]: Ben, I stand here today because you swept me off my feet. When you walked into my life with your chiseled abs and your gazelle-like physical grace, I knew I was in for a treat, but I could never could have guessed how satisfying it would be. But my love for you goes beyond your beautiful brown eyes and your thick, gorgeous hair, because I know that those things will not last. I vow to love you forever. I vow to love you tomorrow when I wake up next to your sweaty, smelly body. I vow to love you when you are middle-aged and bald with a hairy back and a unibrow, and you spend all of your time watching Fox News on full volume. I vow to love you when you ask every one of our house-guests if they are a Wilco fan, and when they say that they've never heard them, you kick them out while screaming, "Terrible musical taste isn't allowed in my house!" I vow to love you when you ruin every one of your button-up cardigan sweaters because you leave unwrapped butterscotch hard candies in the front pocket to melt in the sunlight pouring through the living room window. I vow to love you when you use your cane to make obscene gestures about the size of your "package" in public. I vow to love you forever.


These are just rough drafts, mind you. They're works in progress.

i must have done something right

I'm engaged to be married to this girl:


Audrey and I were engaged on August 9, 2009 on top of Mount Roberts in Juneau, Alaska. There was a perfect little spot next to Father Brown's Cross (Whitey's Cross), just a half-mile up the trail from the tram station.



Crêpe, there it is.

life's little lulls

Men and women communicate very differently. I learned that in Duh School. But somehow it still manages to astound me when communication becomes a game of charades and 20 questions.
________

Last night, Audrey and I spent some time with James and Abby Beuerlein and their beautiful adopted newborn, Tiago - one week after hearing the news of Abby's pregnancy (their two children will likely be less than 10 months apart).

After leaving and arriving back home, Audrey and I were sitting at the table, eating a late snack when Audrey broke the silence:

"I can't believe they're pregnant," she said.

"I know, that's so crazy."

"But they're doing it backwards."

With a confused look on my face, wondering why adopting and then getting pregnant is necessarily 'backwards' I said, "What do you mean?"

"You know, first comes marriage, then comes a baby.... or whatever the saying is."

"I thinks it's 'First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.'" (Despite knowing this elementary school saying, I am still very confused at where this conversation is going.)

"Right, I knew that," Audrey said. "But you know what I mean? Like, they're not doing it in the right order."

I silently produce a more obviously confused expression.

"Like, they're having a baby first and then getting married."

"Wait, who are you talking about?" I said, getting more confused by the second.

"Jim and Pam," she said, while adding a non-verbal "Duh" with her tone of voice.

Jim and Pam? Now my head is about to explode. I quickly search through the caverns of my brain and through our previous conversations that night that may have led to this very moment. Maybe there was something I missed? What could it be?

My first thought: Jim and Pam?!?! Huh? Jim and Pam Beuerlein?? We were just at James' parents' house, and their names are Jim and Pam. But they are neither pregnant, nor are they getting married, nor are they doing the two in any kind of frowned-upon sequence. Who else do we know named Jim and Pam?

My second thought: A bunch of stuff that would make no sense typed out here... Something about banjos and lava, and a rescue mission over a precarious cliff where my rock climbing skills come in handy while pulling a puppy away from almost certain death, etc.

My seventh thought: Jim and Pam from The Office? I guess we had quoted a line from an episode a few minutes ago when we started eating, but it was a Dwight Shrute quote. Not to mention, we quote lines from the show constantly, as Audrey has an extensive catalog of Michael Scott quotes from which to draw upon during life's little lulls.

My eighth thought: Yes! It is Jim and Pam from The Office! SPOILER ALERT: They did find out they were pregnant during the season finale a few weeks ago, and they have yet to be married (because they have to drag us through a few more seasons somehow). Hence, the backwards order of operations.

"Wait, Jim and Pam, from The Office?!?" I ask, about to break into bewildered and nervous laughter.

"Uh-huh," she said, taking a bite of her sandwich.

AAA to teach 111

"I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I'm hot for teacher."

Ugh. Sorry for the Van Halen reference, but Audrey is now famous (not really) in UTK's online database, Circle Park Online! This is what students will see when they sign up for French 111, section 002 for the Spring 2009 semester (click to enlarge):


Check that out - already being waitlisted! Je voudrais ce professeur, s'il vous plait.